Derby: First I'll start with a roller derby update. I quit. Just kidding. I know many are just waiting to hear that. So as we entered into February, the training camp came to an end. When I started the training camp I didn't expect to last one week. Then as time went on, I could see my improvements which was encouraging, and the entire roller derby lifestyle became intoxicating. By the end of the camp I knew I wanted to continue with derby since I was losing weight, becoming stronger, and surprising people, myself included. I figured I would just go on Thursday nights which is "Fresh Meat". It's a chance for non-team members to learn and improve their skills. I had no idea that I was going to end up making the team! In order to become a rostered skater, you have to take a physical test. Something I NEVER expected to be able to do in the year 2013. A few months ago I had a band implanted in me because I was so fat that I couldn't walk without being in serious pain. Now here I was skating my ass off. The day before I left for my vacation I passed the test. It took me a few tries, but I did it. I was physically ill over it, I was so nervous! When I did it I even cried a little. So here I am a "Babe"... so now what?
Now that I made the team I'm attending practices on Wed and Sun, and now it REALLY gets tough! I thought the training camp was hard.. pfft that was NOTHING compared to this. I got my ass kicked last week! My body hasn't experienced that level of trauma since I gave birth to Rosalie.. and this was just my first practice! I'm laughing as I type this but holy shit this is hard. These broad have been doing this for years, and even they get fucked up, but they are trained and know how to take a hit, and give one. I quickly realized that not only do I need to go to practice, but I need to also go to Fresh Meat. Just because I made the team in a months time doesn't mean I know what the hell I'm doing. So that's my intention. Fresh Meat and practice. I need to be patient with myself and take it slow, and remind myself that I've only been active for a month. I also need to remember that I'm a mother, and if I break something I'm screwed.. but that's not stopping me from going forward.
Vacation: This month was full of vacations! Rosalie and I were lucky enough to be able to go to San Diego for a week! Our best friends moved there a year ago, and Rosalie and their son have been best friends since they were babies. My In-Laws vacation there yearly as well so we stayed with them for a few days, and with our friends the rest of the week. It was a BUSY vacation! We were able to do and see so much. We went to Disney Land which was awesome. I was worried going into it because my parents dragged us there (that sounds horrible but it's how it felt) when I was 17 and out of high school. We actually went to Disney World and I totally didn't appreciate it. It was hot, and I just didn't care about anything there, but my parents wanted us to see it and experience it. I was worried Rosalie would be the same way, but I think she truly enjoyed it. The best part for me was being able to actually ride the rides with her, and to walk the part without being miserable. One of my biggest fears has been that we would be too fat to enjoy things with our kids, like Disney. I also waked the San Diego Zoo with no problem. It was amazing considering a few months earlier, I couldn't walk the neighborhood without wanting to cry.
My Band: Ah my band. Well since my last fill I've been pretty restricted, especially for breakfast and lunch. I feel like I'm forcing food down.. sometimes it goes, sometimes I puke it up. I lost 10lbs in January and I'm plateaued again. I went Tuesday for my appointment and he didn't give me a fill. I figured he wouldn't. He basically told me that I need to figure out why I'm feeling restricted. Is it a matter of my band being to tight, or am I just still trying to over eat, or eat quickly without chewing like I should. I have a feeling it's me trying to eat too fast and too much still. It's all in my mind still, more than physical. He said it should take me 20 minutes to eat 2oz of food. If I'm eating for longer than that I'm just grazing. He's right. So now I'm just focusing on my hunger and really making sure I'm chewing my food till it's liquid. Then I'll know if I'm ready for a fill in a month or not.
Over all, I feel really good! If I can feel this good weighing 220lbs, what's it going to feel like when I'm out of the 200's? It's been 10 years so I really don't remember, but my body is changing so much! It's easy to feel bad when people aren't complementing you.. especially those closest to you, but when I look at myself in the mirror I can see every little change and there is no way I can feel bad about that. I can also see a bunch of bruises from getting thrown around at derby!
At the end of my posts I like to do an update on my stellar husband. He looks SO GOOD! When he picked us up from the airport I couldn't believe it. I thought to myself "who is that man holding my son's hand?" I just can't believe it! I've never viewed my husband as being fat. "You're not fat, you're manly!" I would tell him, and I meant it. When I look back at pictures I can't believe what I see because I don't remember it. Our relationship has always been more than physical. There is so much more to him than his weight. But now I'm realizing that I've never viewed him like this either. So proud of him! I hope he feels as good as he looks!
