Back in Action

I'm back after taking a month off. It wasn't my intention to stop blogging for the month of February, but it was the shortest month, and the busiest month. This post may be lengthy.

Derby: First I'll start with a roller derby update. I quit. Just kidding. I know many are just waiting to hear that. So as we entered into February, the training camp came to an end. When I started the training camp I didn't expect to last one week. Then as time went on, I could see my improvements which was encouraging, and the entire roller derby lifestyle became intoxicating. By the end of the camp I knew I wanted to continue with derby since I was losing weight, becoming stronger, and surprising people, myself included. I figured I would just go on Thursday nights which is "Fresh Meat". It's a chance for non-team members to learn and improve their skills. I had no idea that I was going to end up making the team! In order to become a rostered skater, you have to take a physical test. Something I NEVER expected to be able to do in the year 2013. A few months ago I had a band implanted in me because I was so fat that I couldn't walk without being in serious pain. Now here I was skating my ass off. The day before I left for my vacation I passed the test. It took me a few tries, but I did it. I was physically ill over it, I was so nervous! When I did it I even cried a little. So here I am a "Babe"... so now what?

Now that I made the team I'm attending practices on Wed and Sun, and now it REALLY gets tough! I thought the training camp was hard.. pfft that was NOTHING compared to this. I got my ass kicked last week! My body hasn't experienced that level of trauma since I gave birth to Rosalie.. and this was just my first practice! I'm laughing as I type this but holy shit this is hard. These broad have been doing this for years, and even they get fucked up, but they are trained and know how to take a hit, and give one. I quickly realized that not only do I need to go to practice, but I need to also go to Fresh Meat. Just because I made the team in a months time doesn't mean I know what the hell I'm doing. So that's my intention. Fresh Meat and practice. I need to be patient with myself and take it slow, and remind myself that I've only been active for a month. I also need to remember that I'm a mother, and if I break something I'm screwed.. but that's not stopping me from going forward.

Vacation: This month was full of vacations! Rosalie and I were lucky enough to be able to go to San Diego for a week! Our best friends moved there a year ago, and Rosalie and their son have been best friends since they were babies. My In-Laws vacation there yearly as well so we stayed with them for a few days, and with our friends the rest of the week. It was a BUSY vacation! We were able to do and see so much. We went to Disney Land which was awesome. I was worried going into it because my parents dragged us there (that sounds horrible but it's how it felt) when I was 17 and out of high school. We actually went to Disney World and I totally didn't appreciate it. It was hot, and I just didn't care about anything there, but my parents wanted us to see it and experience it. I was worried Rosalie would be the same way, but I think she truly enjoyed it. The best part for me was being able to actually ride the rides with her, and to walk the part without being miserable. One of my biggest fears has been that we would be too fat to enjoy things with our kids, like Disney. I also waked the San Diego Zoo with no problem. It was amazing considering a few months earlier, I couldn't walk the neighborhood without wanting to cry.

My Band:  Ah my band. Well since my last fill I've been pretty restricted, especially for breakfast and lunch. I feel like I'm forcing food down.. sometimes it goes, sometimes I puke it up. I lost 10lbs in January and I'm plateaued again. I went Tuesday for my appointment and he didn't give me a fill. I figured he wouldn't. He basically told me that I need to figure out why I'm feeling restricted. Is it a matter of my band being to tight, or am I just still trying to over eat, or eat quickly without chewing like I should. I have a feeling it's me trying to eat too fast and too much still. It's all in my mind still, more than physical. He said it should take me 20 minutes to eat 2oz of food. If I'm eating for longer than that I'm just grazing. He's right. So now I'm just focusing on my hunger and really making sure I'm chewing my food till it's liquid. Then I'll know if I'm ready for a fill in a month or not.

Over all, I feel really good! If I can feel this good weighing 220lbs, what's it going to feel like when I'm out of the 200's? It's been 10 years so I really don't remember, but my body is changing so much! It's easy to feel bad when people aren't complementing you.. especially those closest to you, but when I look at myself in the mirror I can see every little change and there is no way I can feel bad about that. I can also see a bunch of bruises from getting thrown around at derby!

At the end of my posts I like to do an update on my stellar husband. He looks SO GOOD! When he picked us up from the airport I couldn't believe it. I thought to myself "who is that man holding my son's hand?" I just can't believe it! I've never viewed my husband as being fat. "You're not fat, you're manly!" I would tell him, and I meant it. When I look back at pictures I can't believe what I see because I don't remember it. Our relationship has always been more than physical. There is so much more to him than his weight. But now I'm realizing that I've never viewed him like this either. So proud of him! I hope he feels as good as he looks!

Big Changes!

This week has been busy! I tried a new workout Monday night and it was HARD!  Zumba was Tuesday night and by the time Wednesday rolled around my body was warn out! I usually do Zumba on wed before Derby but I didn't dare. When it came time to skate our timed laps I felt like I was going to collapse! Part of the requirements for the skills test is to skate 25 laps in less than 5minutes. I'm certainly not there yet. I was at 6.23 so I have some work to do. The entire practice I felt nauseous. I think that Monday night work out destroyed me! I wanted to go back to the new workout this week but I learned quickly that I just can't do it all. I'll stick to zumba 3 days a week and Derby, now once a week.

I got to try out my derby skates tonight! They are PERFECT!! Bryan and I took the kids to family night at the rink and met up with some friends. It was amazing to me to think of how far we have come already. In just a few short months Bryan and I have gone from not being able to walk without pain, to skating (well!) with our kids. Its amazing!! So if anyone is considering weight loss surgery, I can say absolutely yes, its worth it... As long as you are willing to do the work!

PS I'm down a pound this week. I've decided to start weighing myself  every two weeks. My weight isn't what I need to focus on, its my hunger and how I feel. The numbers will fall into place if I keep going on this path.

Feeling Good!

I'm a little over 3 months post op and I'm feeling pretty good. My weigh in was the same as last week still at 225lbs. I'm OK with it. I'm still striving for the 2lb a week loss and so far I'm ahead of that. I've gone from sedentary, to very active in the past month which is a good feeling. It doesn't hurt to work out anymore, which only makes me want to keep going.

The Roller Derby Training Camp is almost at an end. I've decided to stick with it! I still can't believe that I've been able to make it this far, and I know that I'll only get better with time and practice. I'm going to continue to practice with the team and will most likely take the test next year. It's one hell of a work out, and it really fun to see how much you can do every week.



Here are some pics, it's been a while since I've posted them. I need to figure out how to make side by side photos so that they are easy to compare.

                                                                  Day before Surgery

                                                                             Today

Here's an update on my husband! He is down 80lbs since he started his pre-op diet...

Day after surgery

Today, 2 months later

weigh in yay!!

Friday was weigh in day and it was a good one!! I weighed in at 225lbs. The previous Tuesday when I went for my fill I was at 233lbs. My hard work is paying off!

I've cut down on my portions and truly am eating 2 oz meals. I've also been active as ever. Zumba 3 times a week, and 4 hrs of roller derby a week is awesome. My body is adjusting well and getting faster and stronger everyday. I've decided to stay with the derby and eventually try out for the team. The derby babes are very supportive and have faith in us new girls which is encouraging. Every practice I'm getting faster and I can really see the differences.

Bryan started working out and is really seeing changes! He is down 3 pant sizes and looks so different. I can see it the most when he doesn't have clothes on, I've never seen his body like this.

My short term goal is ton get under 200lbs. I haven't been there in 8years.. Omg really!? 8 years!? That's a long time to be so unhappy and unhealthy. Never again.

All Wrong

Today I went to the Dr's for a fill. Going into it I wasn't sure I needed a fill because my food has been getting stuck often. When they weighed me I started crying. I haven't lost any weight since I was there in the end of Nov. So when the Dr came in and asked me how I was doing, I told him. I asked him if he was sure I should be eating 600 cal/day. Everyone keeps saying how crazy 600 cal/day is. He chuckled, and said "Yes, I'm sure you should be at 600/day. 800 maybe if you're active". He asked me what I've been eating and I said "Well.. usually 2-3oz of meat, veggies, a starch..." He stopped me. "You need to be eating 2oz period" he reminded me. "About the size of a chicken nugget, maybe two and that's everything. Start with your protein every time you eat". Geez... I kind of thought that was only for the first few weeks post op, but it's for the first year! He also told me to stop drinking my protein shakes for breakfast and lunch because they weren't going to keep me full. Even though they are 30g of protein, they trickle through my small pouch and into my stomach so I won't feel full. My new small pouch is what controls my hunger. So if I'm putting liquid through it I won't stay hungry. Instead he said to eat my 2oz MEAL for breakfast, and have a shake late am for some added protein, then have my 2oz lunch and so on.

I feel much better after talking to him because I now know what I've been doing wrong.. eating WAY too much. He said I need to cut my 2oz meal into tiny bites, chew each bite 20 times and it should take me one minute to eat each bite. I need to be aware of what I'm doing while I'm eating so that it's not mindless, and I'm not just shoving food in my face. If I'm hungry after finishing that then I can have a little more, and it means I'm in need of a fill. If I'm not hungry and remain full for hours then I'm in "the green zone", and if my food is getting backed up then I have too much fluid in my band.

He put another cc in today so I'm at 4.5cc's. He wanted to put more but didn't dare because I live 1.5hrs away. He reassured me that there is nothing to be worried about. He said if I were a year post op and not seeing results to be worried, but just after the holidays and no weight gain is OK.

So here is my meal that I attempted tonight.. 3 shrimp with skinny bang bang sauce on it.

I was able to eat almost 1. That's it.

AaHa!

THIS is what I'm doing wrong. Looking at my weekly chart I can see that I'm not getting enough protein, and WAY too much fat. Just because I'm staying under my calorie goal, doesn't mean I'm eating the right calories. This is why I'm not losing. The truth is, I'm not even sure what my goals should be set at.

Stay Positive and Keep Moving

Weigh In day and I'm STILL at 230lbs sigh. My expectations are too high I'm gathering. Wednesday after Zumba, a couple of my girlfriends and I went to Roller Derby Boot Camp. It consisted of an hour of off skate training, and an hour on skates. I swear I spent more time laughing than anything but it was a good work out. I'm not going to lie.. there were times when I wanted to say "fuck this, I'm done" but for some reason I want to go back for more. It's twice a week through the month of January, so it's a good way to get in shape before our trip to CA. It's also something I would normally never do, so I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I'm the the worst runner there of course, but I know I'll be able to do a little bit more each time I go. I'm feeling muscles that I never knew were there. Whatever we are doing there certainly seems to be helping in my c-section area, which I thought was hopeless.

Bryan and I went to a new support group last night. Like the other one, this one consisted of Bypass patients. I REALLY wish I had some lap band support. There was a woman there who just didn't get it. She had her surgery 9 months ago, and has lost 65lbs or so, which doesn't sound like very much considering they are supposed to lose a lot much faster than Bryan or I. She also refuses to watch her calories, focus on protein, or exercise. I wanted to shake her and ask her why she even bothered to have surgery. You can't just have surgery and think all of your problems will go away. You still have to put in the work EVERY DAY. It put things into perspective for me. I know that we're in the right direction, but I also know we could be doing better.. particularly me and my sugar intake. But over all, we are doing just fine. I think that I'm going to weigh myself every two weeks rather than every week.

Meanwhile my rings are falling off. They always loosen up a little in the winter, but now I'm worried about them falling off completely. Bryan is having the same problem. I've had to reverse my engagement ring with my wedding band to prevent the ring from falling off. It's REALLY weird to wear them this way but I'll get used to it. My right hand rings are basically falling off. Eventually I'll get my rings sized in a year or two.