I Can Feel My Port!

Coming up on 3 weeks post op. The weight loss has come to a screeching halt this past week, but I'm still seeing changes in my body. The biggest thing I've noticed is that I can feel my port! I noticed this today, as I tried to bend down and pick something up. It was a little tender. I felt my abdomen, just to the right of my port scar and there it was! I wondered if it would be hard to find when they try to fill it, but I don't think that will be a problem. For some reason I didn't expect this, and it creeps me out. I've lost that layer of fat in my belly so I guess that's why it's so easy to feel.

I've started to eat more of a regular diet. I'm just eating really small portions and chewing like crazy. I don't get my fill until Nov 16th, and I'm really looking forward to it. I don't feel restricted right now, but I'm also only hungry a few times a day.

Stuck

Well my weigh in day was yesterday, and there has been no change since I posted Wednesday. I've lost nothing in the past three days. I'm assuming its because I've been incorporating food back into my diet. I'm still having no more than 500cal a day. I'm betting if I had more protein in my diet I would start losing again. I haven't been getting in all the protein I should.

Feeling good. Back to work, back to picking up my kids and swinging them around. Still getting that shoulder pain once in a while.

Food!

Today I had my first meal that wasn't liquid! Scrambled egg with low fat cheese and 1 turkey sausage. It was good but I couldn't finish everything on my plate, and it was weird chewing every piece 30 times.

I'm going to make Friday's my weigh in day. It will be good motivation for me to stay strong during the weekends.

Time for Work!

Twenty pounds down from the start of this journey!! Twenty pounds is a LOT for most, but for me it's just the beginning. None the less, it feels good! To those who see me all the time, I may not look that different, but I absolutely notice the differences. My legs are thinner, and I'm wearing pants I haven't worn in almost a year. My love handles have shrunk, and my gunt is much smaller! That is usually the first thing to shrink up! For those who don't know what I'm talking about:
Gunt: 1). noun.
A protruding sack of fat which extends from the lower abdomen to the upper genital area (gut+cunt=gunt).

I'm moving into the mushy food stage. I'm not sure exactly what that is, I'll have to research. I've been doing well with fat free cottage cheese and baked potato's. No problems getting them down, or keeping them down.  

I'm trying to focus on my protein and water intake.. I know i'm not getting enough. I'm drinking my liquids in my wine glasses because it's my favorite way to drink. It helps me sip them rather than gulp.

I'm feeling good, and it's time to get to work. I need to get to the gym and get into a routine. I'm NOT going back. The 20lbs that are off are 20lbs I will never see on this body again, but that's only going to happen if I work for it. The band will help me to gradually lose the weight, but if I want the weight to come off consistently, and stay off I need to make the life style change. I'll be getting a trainer this week at the new gym I joined. I'll be forcing myself to get up at 4am and go to the gym. Yes I'm serious. It's the only time I'll have in the day to do it. It's going to suck big time at first but I'll get there.

PS.. I can't believe I posted a pic of my incisions. Every time I see that I cringe.

1+ Week Post Op

Day 10 after my surgery and I'm feeling 98% normal! I'm able to sleep normally, (which for me is all over the place) eat and drink without discomfort, pain, or more importantly, fear.
Today's menu:
1/2 cup buffalo chicken soup .. that was stupid. Immediate heart burn, but nothing two tums couldn't fix. I left the chicken and just sipped the broth.
1/2 cup of sugar free jello
1/2 cup of fat free cottage cheese.

Back to work this week.

Support

Today is the first day that I feel normal again! (Post Op day 6) I woke up, sleeping on my stomach without aches and pains! I've had an entire day without pain meds, which is always a good feeling. Today I was able to have 1 protein shake, half for breakfast, and half for dinner. I also had some soup, Gatorade, and Italian ice. 

Tonight I went to a support group in Randolph, that my surgeon's office has organized for our are. Bryan wasn't able to leave work to go so it was just me. I wasn't sure what to expect. This was the first time this group was meeting down here. When I walked in I was totally pumped to see my Dr. sitting there! I had no expectations of him coming down from Buffalo for this, but it was so comforting! He really REALLY cares about his patients. He will do the liver reduction diet now and then, to be reminded of what his patients go through, he even eats like his banded patients, chewing everything 30 times etc.. Tonight there were three of us, the other two were both gastric bypass patients. I was a little bummed out because I really was hoping there were some banded people there. There is a difference between myself and someone who has had the sleeve, or bypass. I want to know what it's like to have their band filled, how full they have it, what it feels like to get something stuck in your band.. stuff like that. 

What I took away from tonight was hope. These people were in their 60's and have had their surgeries within the past year, and were down 100lbs. You would never have know they were over weight. The woman said "One day, I could cross my legs! It just happened! I haven't been able to do that in years".. neither have I. The man said " I can now bend down and touch the ground" as he demonstrated. It seems so basic, and it IS.. but those are the little things that as a fat person you can't do, and they drain your spirit daily. I can't wait for those little things. 

This is a pic of my incisions. After much thought I decided to just post it. It's not pretty, but neither is me in a bathing suit and everyone at Warren Pool sees that so what's the difference? One thing I will say is, to newly expecting mothers.. use the Palmers Cocoa Butter.. I ignored it and you can see what you get when you do that.  Anyway, I guess he typically makes 5 incisions because everyone who checked me in the hospital was shocked that there were only 4. On the upper left, you can see a little mark where I think he started to make a cut and then changed his mind. Anyway, the far lower right is where my port is implanted, just under the skin. That is where he will use a syringe to inject saline into the band (when I'm hungry and not losing weight as I should) or take saline out (when I'm too full to eat and can't keep food down). The goal is to find a perfect amount in your band, but that takes time. I'll go to him once a month and get my fills.. or not.. depending on how it goes. 


I took this from "The Lapband Gal's" Blog. It's a good one, you should follow her! I'm somewhere in between a bald eagle and 10 dozen large eggs.




It's all about perspective! (stole this idea from the lapband forum at obesityhelp.com)
Your weight loss =

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11½!)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’ 4½!)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

For example, a loss of 128 pounds means you’ve lost almost a newborn giraffe, or:
(10) dozen large eggs
(4) dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
(2) Chihuahuas
(2) Guinea pigs
(1) elephant penis
(1) average 2-year-old
(1) human head
(1) rack baby back ribs

The Nights are the Worst

      Post Op day 4 and I'm hungry!!! The swelling in my stomach must be down because the pain has lessened and I'm actually hungry. I'm still on the pain meds because I'm miserable without them. i now have acid reflux which is new, I'm hoping this goes awaybecauseits very painful! I'm still eating next to nothing since i fill up quickly. today i had:

1/4 cup protein shake
1/4 cup ckn broth
4oz italian ice
1 cup water

I'm down 8lbs since day of surgery. my husband is having a steak for dinner. (live it up!) I'm cranky and still full of gas. I'm craving beef stew or chili... not happening. Bryan has been great, super helpful as always. Im not one of those obnoxious people who brags about their husband for show, he really, truly, is amazing. My kitchen has been spottless and all of the laundry is put away all while keeping the kids fed and happy.

Bed time is approaching and im dreading it. i wake up crying from the pain every  night. my c-sections weren't this bad. I'm making some progress since im an hr past med time and im not feeling like i need it. Hoping for more progress tomorrow.

Burps, and Farts, and Diarrhea Oh My!

      As you can tell by the title, in this post I'll be talking about the not so glamorous truths to recovery. Just as a reminder, this blog is not intended for entertainment purposes. I'm doing this so others going through this, or considering it can hear a real perspective on it.  Sorry if it grosses anyone out.. well actually, no I'm not.
      So here I am, Post Op day 2. Last night and this morning were NOT fun. I went to bed in tears last night because the gas pains were so bad. Both shoulders, and my abdomen were just full of gas and I had a really hard time dealing with the pain. I ended up taking an Ativan and passing out eventually with heating pads all over my body. This morning I woke up to a lot of pressure in my chest. Every swallow hurt. The gas pains were still there. I spent the morning curled up, sitting up on the couch, leaning over two large pillows, while Bryan tried to rub the gas out of me for HOURS. My neck, all the way down to my lower back... and when it worked, and it came out, he lovingly looked at me and would say "Oh good!" because he knew how much pain I was in. That's love folks. The entire time I was reminded that in two weeks I will be doing the same for him. I'm worried about him and his surgery. If I hurt this much from just having the band placed around my stomach, how is he going to feel after having 85% of his removed entirely? I'm REALLY worried about him. I know he's a tough guy and all, but still.
      I'm still not hungry. Sipping on warm liquids help. What I've had today:
 
1/4 cup of chicken broth- who knew chicken broth would taste so good!
1/4 cup of decaff coffee.
4oz cup of italian ice
1 cup of gatorade
1 cup of water

..and that's about it. I know I need to have more fluids going in me (64oz/day), but only being able to sip 1oz every 15 min is tough. It's just hard to get used to. I LOVE me some sugar free jello but it hurts like hell going down, so I've had to stay away from that. I'll start protein shakes in a few days I guess. Right now I have to focus on staying hydrated.

The gas has now turned into diarrhea. I went from dying for relieve to having to really use my better judgment and run to the bathroom! Sounds fun right? They said this would happen.. for a while. I took a shower and changed my bandages tonight. The incisions really don't hurt at all which is impressive. I can push on them and poke at them and they don't hurt. Everything is still internal and up near my stomach as far as pain. I'm surprised my port doesn't hurt more. I wonder what it will be like to get my first fill.

Because I've had so much discomfort today I was searching the net for forums and you tube videos of others who experienced this. It was really hard to find people talking about this stuff. Search engines would pull up medical sites.. which I don't want. I want to hear from actual people and find out if they are trying to fart and not shit themselves too. I came across some video's on you tube of women who obviously haven't experienced any surgery before. I couldn't even watch them.. they were whiny women talking about how they thought they were dying. So I guess I'll just figure this out on my own. I'll just take this one day at a time. I'll probably sleep sitting up tonight as I did for my naps. It's really the best way right now. I'm going to focus on drinking more liquids tomorrow, and I look forward to the rumbles in my stomach going away soon!

1 Day Post Op

      I'm banded! I can't believe it's in.. well I can believe it, considering the discomfort I'm in. My surgery was at noon yesterday, I was discharged around 10am today. This surgery was the nastiest as far as the immediate effects. Don't get me wrong, my c-sections were MUCH worse as far as healing, but this is totally different. The nausea was unreal! Normally I have a little of that from the anesthesia, but this was because of the band around my stomach. The Dr warned me about swelling around the stomach and that's what I'm feeling. The pain isn't terrible. I have 4 little incisions that I can't even feel, even the one around my port. Like I said, the discomfort is all inside.. every sip of liquid I take I can feel it going into my little swollen pouch.
      Anyone who has had abdominal surgery knows that the worst part is the day or so after when you're waiting to fart. Yeah, I said it.. waiting to fart! I've never wanted to fart so bad in my life! The gas that is pushing it's way through my body is VERY painful. Once this passes.. literally, I'll be feeling good. I'm certainly not hungry yet. I'm sipping 1oz of liquid every 10-15 minutes.. or at least I should be. I've been sleeping so much that I forget to drink like I should. For now I'm on clear liquids still for a few days which sounds like tourcher, but when you're stomach hurts like it does, you really don't miss food.. not yet anyway.
      I feel differently already. I'm so aware of my pouch. If I start to drink too much to fast I feel it... If I burp, I really feel it. I have to really remember that I can't just shove something down my throat. I started to suck on hard (sugar free of course) candy because I have awful dry mouth, and I quickly started to chew it and swallow it without even thinking. I can't do stuff like that anymore. It's nice to be home, and I'm TRYING to enjoy this time with no household responsibility but it's not that easy. Of course I can't just sit back and let Bryan handle it, I have to point out how I can do it better, or easier.. I may do us all a favor and sedate myself and go to bed.

Here are my before pictures. I can't believe I'm posting these either but why not? I'll never be back here again. Good Lord they aren't pretty.. but here I am, the morning of surgery!

Commitment

      I'm a few days into the liver reduction diet and it's not bad. It's not really a "liquid" diet as it's advertised to be. I'm having 2 protein shakes a day (roughly 230 cal each) and a high protein meal.. oh yeah, and sugar free jello.. LOTS of Jello. I've had some treats here and there too. I'm not hungry which is nice, but I'm cranky.. VERY cranky. It's the mental part that is the hardest. I'm used to snacking especially at night, and I just can't, and it pisses me off.


      I was watching The Real Housewives of NJ reunion (I love those crazy bitches) and Lauren Manzo (picture below) was on, showing off her new body thanks to her band. She looks awesome, but what I took away from her interview was more than just her looks. She said what made her decide to get the band was that she had become a miserable person. She wasn't happy about anything and wasn't happy for anyone. I can relate to that big time. A big reason I'm doing this for that reason. "I just want you to be happy again" my husband tells me often. I'm not saying losing weight will fix all of my problems, but I know for sure it will alleviate the pain from my daily battles with this body.
       What I also took away from that interview was that how big the stigma of weight loss surgery is. That dumb broad Teressa, of course had to point out that Lauren should have "worked hard" and that she "heard the weight comes back with the Lap-band". 

Let me be clear about something: The Lap-Band is not a cure for obesity. It is not a guarantee that you will be skinny forever, or even at all. If that were the case I bet most of Americans would have it put in. It's simply a tool to help control your hunger.  If I were to "do it the right way" as I used to say, and lose the 100lbs by dieting and exercising alone, there is still the same chance I would gain it back.  I know that I will be under a microscope since I've announced that I'm doing this, and that people will be analyzing whether or not I look like I'm gaining weight back. It's motivation for me. It's what I need. Will I lose weight and gain some back? Probably. This band takes commitment, just like anything else. For me, traveling to Buffalo every month to get a fill is one of the commitments, but more importantly, not cheating the system... because just like anything, there is always way to cheat the system. 

        Ya know the saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"? I believe in that.. accept It's been so long that I forgot what it tastes like.. 10 years is a long time.  I've got to get a taste of that again.