Commitment

      I'm a few days into the liver reduction diet and it's not bad. It's not really a "liquid" diet as it's advertised to be. I'm having 2 protein shakes a day (roughly 230 cal each) and a high protein meal.. oh yeah, and sugar free jello.. LOTS of Jello. I've had some treats here and there too. I'm not hungry which is nice, but I'm cranky.. VERY cranky. It's the mental part that is the hardest. I'm used to snacking especially at night, and I just can't, and it pisses me off.


      I was watching The Real Housewives of NJ reunion (I love those crazy bitches) and Lauren Manzo (picture below) was on, showing off her new body thanks to her band. She looks awesome, but what I took away from her interview was more than just her looks. She said what made her decide to get the band was that she had become a miserable person. She wasn't happy about anything and wasn't happy for anyone. I can relate to that big time. A big reason I'm doing this for that reason. "I just want you to be happy again" my husband tells me often. I'm not saying losing weight will fix all of my problems, but I know for sure it will alleviate the pain from my daily battles with this body.
       What I also took away from that interview was that how big the stigma of weight loss surgery is. That dumb broad Teressa, of course had to point out that Lauren should have "worked hard" and that she "heard the weight comes back with the Lap-band". 

Let me be clear about something: The Lap-Band is not a cure for obesity. It is not a guarantee that you will be skinny forever, or even at all. If that were the case I bet most of Americans would have it put in. It's simply a tool to help control your hunger.  If I were to "do it the right way" as I used to say, and lose the 100lbs by dieting and exercising alone, there is still the same chance I would gain it back.  I know that I will be under a microscope since I've announced that I'm doing this, and that people will be analyzing whether or not I look like I'm gaining weight back. It's motivation for me. It's what I need. Will I lose weight and gain some back? Probably. This band takes commitment, just like anything else. For me, traveling to Buffalo every month to get a fill is one of the commitments, but more importantly, not cheating the system... because just like anything, there is always way to cheat the system. 

        Ya know the saying "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"? I believe in that.. accept It's been so long that I forgot what it tastes like.. 10 years is a long time.  I've got to get a taste of that again.